Back to Normalcy?
Well, I've got to go into work one hour early today. The reason is we have a grief counsellor coming in today to show us how to be around our boss as he comes back to work after burying his eighteen year old daughter. He's planning on coming back either tomorrow or Thursday. All I could do at the funeral parlor this past Sunday was give him a bear-hug. He wasn't expecting that from me, but it came from my heart. Now we all must be instruments in his life to get him back to "normalcy". I just can't imagine...
posted by mark pierson at 10:03 AM
5 Comments:
Mark,
I know this a few days late - I'm an occaisional visitor to the main page of your blog and didn't see it until today. (I have been following the discussion of you, Wayne and Gary regarding the carnal Christian.)
Unfortunately I know exactly how your boss is feeling. A year and a half ago we lost our oldest son on 12/2/2007. We buried him on the day before his 17th birthday.
I'm not sure what the grief counsellor told you, but I would just want to say that after the shock subsides, your boss is going to go through a time where he is simply inconsolable. Passages in the Bible where a parent lost a child bear this out as well. Jacob in Genesis 37 - "And all his sons and all his daughters arose to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, and he said, 'For I shall go down into the grave to my son in mourning.' Thus his father wept for him." (Gen 37:35). And the account of Herod's murder of the male children after the Lord's birth (Quoting Jer 31:15) "A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping, Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.”
My point is that well meaning folks try to give infomation to the person that might be helpful, but during this time nothing is helpful.
In my experience it was also very difficult to be constantly pinged on how I was doing. "How are you?"..."How ya doin'?...or my favorite "How's life treatin' ya?". I felt at times like it might be good to put a sign around my neck stating "My child has died, until further notice I'm doing terrible".
Also, this isn't something that he will "move on" from. He will never "get over it". It's a process of gradual adjustment to life without his child.
Finally, I just want to say that I never, ever would've imagined that I would experience what I did. But I want to add that the Lord has greatly comforted and sustained me and my family through all of this.
Sincerely,
Bill
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
June 24, 2009 10:21 PM
Bill,
Thanks! Back in 1999 I lost my one sibling, a younger brother. I watched my parents through this. The loss was every bit as profound as you describe. I will take your advice and not ask my boss how he is doing. I DO wish for him to know that I am there for him though.
June 25, 2009 10:19 AM
Mark,
Very difficult for anyone to overcome. Bill sure gave some good insight......
June 25, 2009 12:01 PM
Mark,
Even if you ask him how he's doing, I'm sure you'll do fine in using your judgment to express to your boss your care for him. Early on in my grief it was so difficult to even process things like that. Now after these 18 months I can look back at some certain folks and am very thankful for them. Also Mark - was very sorry to hear that you had lost your younger brother.
Sincerly,
Bill
June 25, 2009 10:21 PM
Bill,
The loss of your son just before his 17th birthday...
I thought about your comment here yesterday while at work last night. I'm sorry it didn't hit me as hard when I first read it as it did after I thought about it...I'm so very sorry for your loss.
June 26, 2009 6:14 AM
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