The Days After The Layoff

Where to begin...

Following that dark day were some mental and emotional experiences that only those who have experienced a layoff can relate to.

There were trips to the post office to mail resume's, trips to all the factories in the area - even to those in other counties - to fill out job applications, and trips to the labor board.

It was while out and about that I had to deal with some thoughts and feelings like I've never had before.

I remember at one point watching a delivery man making a delivery to one of those mini-marts. I was at a red light watching him go up and down a ramp, in and out of the back of his truck, with one of those two wheel dollies. I forget what he was unloading, but I remember the thoughts that took over my mind; thoughts that I was no longer a contributor to society - I was no longer a supporter of my family. It seemed like I would never have a job again. Yes, there was a sinful foreboding. I'd never had to deal with such an dark situation before. Now was time for my profession of faith to become more than just a theory. As I said these were feelings that I had never dealt with before. A profound sense of grief was only part of the equation. I can't, even to this day, put my finger on the other feelings involved. I can only describe it as darkness.

Then there was that first trip to the Labor Board to file for unemployment. It was a very cloudy day which kinda matched what I felt inside. The line in front of me was long. It would be a two hour waite. To be sure there was plenty of time to sin against God by looking at the situation rather than being thankful that He was in control. Did I go the sinful route? Honestly, yes. At one point I just stared out the plate-glass doors at the sidewalk just outside. I could not believe the darkness inside. I had never felt anything like it before. To lose a loved one is one thing. This was a combination of such feelings as that plus the sense of failure and hopelessness. I wondered what it was that I had done wrong to get to this point in the first place. I knew of no unconfessed sin. I thought my "confession life" was current. I was giving to God's work. Why was this happening?

Well, the two hour waite was over. I was finally at the counter. And what happens? I found out that I was standing in the wrong line all along. To top it off, the woman spared no disdain for me, treating me like I was some sort of dummy for having made such a mistake. She also seemed to be of the impression that I was one of those chronically umemployed types who likes to mooch off of society. She did not know that I was a many times awarded, long time employee of one company. My awards? Suggestion awards that saved my company thousands of dollars, attendance awards, and recognition for being a model employee. Yep, that's who she was treating like garbage. If she only knew.

Well, I'll spare you the accounts of sleep-less nights and the like.

The amount of time before a job surfaced: about two months.

He was Lord over this too.

More later.